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The thing I like about NodeBBS.. it is VERY easy to run multiple nodes of it on one VPS/server instance (it does not use PHP so most shared hosting won't play well with it).
Discourse, to be under "official" support help requirements, is a one and done deal. You get one VPS, you install ONE instance of it and if you want more, you get additional VPS instances.
You CAN run it using nginx as a proxy, but once you do that, the developers typically will provide you with zero support.
Of the two, if I was only going to run 1-2 sites I would probably lean towards Discourse installed on individual VPS instances with my own mail hosting VPS instance.
If I wanted to run 3-5 on one VPS instance then it would be NodeBB. They are, in many ways, very similar. Discourse seems to be a little "cleaner" in how it looks in a lot of ways.
The alternative XF help site that I listed was running on SMF when another admin took over control of it as I did not have the time to do more than server/system admin duties. Moved it over to NodeBB after nobody really gave any negative feedback and I like it. But I am now looking at setting up Discourse in a multi-domain setup without using heir Docker installation. Have not gotten too far into that yet though. If I can get it to work, most of those sites will probably be moved over. Unluckily all posts will be lost since there is no public conversion routine available.
Back when I first had AAF going, years ago, we used SMF from the start of it. I eventually upgraded it to IP.Board I believe and then on to XenForo before I shut it down.
When I launched it back a few years ago, I've kept it on XF.
SMF isn't a bad software to be honest. It's just outdated in terms of how it looks.
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